Can dreaming for happiness really make us more stressed?
Happiness or stress may be a choice! So, why does everyone seem to have loads of? That’s right – STRESS. What do we all want? Yes! HAPPINESS! So why is this so hard? Does it have to be one or the other?
Have you ever heard yourself asking these questions? Why do some people seem to be happy all the time while others feel like their lives are on a permanent downwards trajectory doomed for stress? Is it all about how we perceive our life and our world?
Well first let’s get on the same page in defining happiness. Research provides many definitions but suffice here to go with Seligman’s broad sweep, “… the good life is achieved when we … think constructively about the past, gain optimism and hope for the future and, as a result, gain greater happiness in the present.”
When I mention stress I am referring to those things that have the potential (or do) negatively impact us at any given time, for example, major life events; work demands; financial concerns; relationship challenges.
Can we be happy and stressed concurrently? Research suggests that the perception of higher levels of stress reflect lower levels of happiness than those with lower levels of stress. One might extrapolate therefore that by increasing the happiness load we might diminish the impact of stressors while learning to manage our stress more effectively increases the capacity to thrive through challenges and relish our happiness.
Isn’t it often the case that we are focused on striving for the ‘next’ big and exciting job, promotion, dream, hope, want? Dr. Emma Seppälä of Stanford University describes this need to “Never Stop Accomplishing.” When our eyes are focused on the road ahead we have probably not been stopping to ‘smell the roses’ on the way. But perhaps this ISN’T the road to happiness. Perhaps it’s not a destination. It is such a common and even over-used cliché these days, but the truth might be - it’s about the journey towards happiness that brings us the experiences of happiness - not the destination! … the ‘arrival’ may well be just another box ticked or anticlimax in our future focused and future driven life. We missed the NOW! So, we were probably feeling stress striving and we possibly missed the happiness opportunity!
Bringing all this together then into our immediate lives, how can dreaming for happiness really make us more stressed? I suggest being ‘future focused’ is a constant striving for potentials … positive or negative - this can become a stressor. Life also brings us curve balls, many of which we can anticipate, but equally, many we could never imagine the impact on our personal wellbeing not to begin to consider the damaging health effects on our physical and psychological person. Stress seems to worsen or increase the risk of so many health challenges including, obesity, heart disease, headaches, Alzheimer's disease, diabetes, depression, anxiety, gastrointestinal problems, asthma, accelerates ageing and can lead to premature death! Who wants that!
Well, I wonder if it is as simple as this: our focus is constantly on what could be, so we can’t be relishing what is … the NOW … and the ‘now’ is the only way we can build our actual library or inventory of happy life experiences. Research has shown that we are often happiest when we're lost in the moment.
Happiness or stress may be a choice! The choice starts whether to decide to immerse ourselves in happiness surrender to stress … HOW? Learn and practice to be in the moment – the NOW! Start simply with breathing exercises to help you focus on this moment we call the ‘NOW’. Then progress to full Body Scan and Mindful Meditations. In time, if practiced, you will discover your choice will aid the transition of a stress focused life moving into a sublimated position to open up to the overriding sense of happiness …
So, here’s how:
Stress and business in our daily lives can make ‘stopping’ seem impossible. The Three Minute Breathing Space exercise has been proven to be an effective practice to integrate mindfulness into the crowded life. Simply set the timer on your smart phone to advise you through the day that it is time to take 3-minutes to breathe again! It will become automatic and you eventually won’t even think – you will just stop and do …
Now set an additional timer for 3 x 1-minute intervals. The exercise consists of 3 sections - 1 minute per section:
Be aware that throughout this 3-minute exercise your thoughts and attention may wonder by distracting and competing thoughts, feelings or physical sensations. This is just fine, acknowledge these distractions and gently bring your attention back to your body and breathing.
Awareness. Question: How am I doing right now? Focus your attention on your inner self. Notice which thoughts, feelings and physical sensations you are experiencing. What words would describe these thoughts, feelings, physical sensations? For example, “That’s a critical or negative thought” or “I am tired”. Focus on feeling your body. Accept it. You can tell yourself that it’s OK – it’s just the way it is.
Breathing. Now focus your full attention on your breath. Follow the breathing with your attention. Deeply inhale and slowly exhale.
Expansion of attention: Finally, allow your attention to expand to the whole of your body. Feel each breath flood through your whole body. Be aware of every in-breath as it expands your body and with each out-breath how your body retracts again.
Finally, if you want to keep exploring further, have a look at the Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) exercise. But beware – it is a powerful natural medicine. PMR specific research shows a significant interplay with many health dilemmas of today and the positive influences of PMR on health problems such as heart disease, blood pressure and depression, increased motivation, productivity and improved decision-making ability.
Now, that’s got to relieve some stress and make anyone happier!